There was a big furore last week about the graphic sexual content in the BBC drama Wanderlust, which featured shocking scenes of grown-ups consensually unzipping each other’s trousers, and also of a MAN, an actual man, literally turning down sex because he was too tired.

But, I totally got it because in a couple with mismatched sex drives it isn't always the woman who has the 'headache'.

In a toss-up between sleep and sex, I’m at a stage in life where a long pleasant slumber wins nearly every time. I can literally go all night, and I do all the positions too: foetal, recovery, “the snoring starfish”.

That’s not to say that sex isn’t a magnificent, fun thing to do, it’s just that oftentimes my brain is bursting with angst (because I’ve absurdly chosen to make a living as a freelance writer), every week throws up a new existential crisis (because I’m a man in his 40s), and I also have children (two of the things, in fact).

As such, there is a dearth of rose petals and boudoirs lit up with a thousand candles. At this stage, not unlike the husband in Wanderlust, if I arrived home to a Kenny G soundtrack and my wife suspiciously wearing a raincoat I’d probably have a panic attack.

So, to summarise: I’m a man, not exactly wanting to have sex all the time. A man, with a willing sexual partner, who would sometimes rather just have a cuddle. A strong, masculine man, a hairy man, a man who talks to and interacts with other men about man things, who isn’t always up for a spot of how’s your father at the drop of a hat.

Surely this flies in the face of everything we hold sacred? Aren’t men supposed to be up for it at all times? A finger snap away from being locked and loaded? Isn’t she the one who’s supposed to complain about feeling too tired all the time.

Not anymore. Not in the modern, honest, and unashamed world that we’re slowly coming to know. Not now that a million sexual facades and draconian notions of masculinity have finally been shattered.

“Part of the belief in the 'men are always up for it’ myth actually comes from statistics that indicate that men are more sexual beings,” says Dr Gary Wood, social psychologist and author of The Psychology of Gender. “They say that men have more partners and men masturbate more, because, put simply, women underreport on these things for fear of the double-standard that exalts men as ‘studs’ but women as ‘slags'.”

“You literally get men who think they’ve got a problem because don’t want sex all the time,” agrees Dr Petra Boynton, “they’re worried that because they only want it occasionally, something must be wrong with them.”

The truth, it seems, is that the pendulum swings. I know from my own experiences, and from those of my male friends (newsflash: men do actually talk about this stuff!) that mismatching sex drives are a common conundrum at home, with the roles constantly reversing. Sometimes he wants more sex, she doesn’t, sometimes she’s up for it, he isn’t. And honestly, it’s not hard to see why.
“Whereas, actually, there may be many things you enjoy together, and sex might just be part of it. The only thing that really makes it a problem is when the person who doesn’t want sex won’t talk about it, because it’s often not a mismatch in desire that’s at work, but a mismatch in communication.”

“To be honest, I don’t even wish we were doing it more,” a dad friend of mine tells me, when I nosily enquire about his night time habits. “I’m totally fine with just the occasional quickie here and there, and she is too. It works for us.”

And with the notorious Kinsey Report declaring that, for around 50 per cent of married couples, the clouds part and the planets align not five times a week, but a mere three or four times a month, there’s even statistical evidence to suggest that lots of us are replacing hot bedroom action with a bit of precious Zzz action instead.

No shame in that.