On Marriage and Sex...

"God created sex. Priests created marriage."
- Voltaire

"A man marries to have a home, but also because he doesn't want to be bothered with sex and all that sort of thing."
- W. Somerset Maugham

"Extra-marital sex is as overrated as pre-marital sex. And marital sex, come to think of it."
- Simon Gray

"I know nothing about sex, because I was always married."
- Zsa Zsa Gabor

(Nine marriages -- you must have learned something!)

On Sex...

"Among men, sex sometimes results in intimacy; among women, intimacy sometimes results in sex."
- Barbara Cartland

"Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."
- Woody Allen

(As with most Woody Allen quotes, you wonder whether you should put it in the 'sex' section or the 'masturbation' section).

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place."
- Billy Crystal

(If by "place" you mean, "parking lot," then yes).

"There's nothing better than good sex. But bad sex? A peanut butter and jelly sandwich is better than bad sex."
- Billy Joel

(Have you seen Billy Joel lately? I think he's been avoiding lots of bad sex).